Introduction Script (Need your guys' input!)

bonzo wrote:

B-Kpianist wrote:What do you think of this:

Banjo: "Ah,this is the life. Pizza, sunshine, and not a care in the world."
Kazooie: "I swear, Banjo, if you use that line again in the next few years or so..."
Banjo: "Sorry."
Kazooie: "Hey, skull boy! What are you doing?"
Mumbo is using his staff on a rock.
Mumbo: "Mumbo practicing transformation spells, stupid bird. Mumbo not get to use transformation magic since Banjo-Kazooie!"
Kazooie: "Yeah, because Humba stole your job!"
Banjo: "Well, you were still good, Mumbo."
Mumbo: "Yes! Mumbo best shaman in game! Mumbo do all sorts of useful things for bear and bird!"
Kazooie: "You lifted a rock into a crusher for a Jiggy. Big deal. We could've done without that one. At least Humba's transformations were useful- they could attack!"
Mumbo: "Golden Goliath beat transformations!"
Banjo: "Come on, you two, knock it off. At least we don't have to deal with Gruntilda anymore."
Kazooie: "Oh yeah. What ever happened to her skull, anyway?"
Banjo: "Um, I think we just left it at the top of the tower in Cauldron Keep."
Kazooie: "And her two sisters- they were crushed like pancakes!"
Mumbo: "Mumbo don't think witch pancakes would taste good..."

That was written by a guy who wanted to help writing the script. I had him write it as if it was for B-K4. How much better does that sound?

Oh and um... i wouldn't be able to tell, being that Rare does very childish things with their scripts (ex: movie references, innuendo's, etc.)

That one was actually pretty good! It had me laughing. Some parts are meh, but that's definitely a good part. Ok but here's the thing. Everytime we make a change, back up the original. I want to see the difference between the original and the final.

For the record, I'm that person who wrote that. Just saying. Yeah, some parts are meh, but...

I think Zondel or whatever's is definitely the best.

I think that we all are writing the script together. I think blending all of the good qualities of us together could make for a nice script.

Agreed? Yeah you better agree

Say I if you do!

I

BK KEEP YOUR ORIGINAL! NOT YET OK!

And I know, triple post, it's our forum though so I was too lazy to click edit sorry

bonzo wrote:I think Zondel or whatever's is definitely the best.

I think that we all are writing the script together. I think blending all of the good qualities of us together could make for a nice script.

Agreed? Yeah you better agree

Say I if you do!

It's Zondekel. Just sayin'. And you honestly think my... sample for lack of a better word, is best? Ha. Sorry, but, as you may come to learn eventually, I seriously lack the confidence in myself to say my things are good. So to see that is rather amusing to me.
That being said, I do enjoy writing, which is why I offered to help with the script.

As to your idea of everyone blending ideas together, sure, why not.

I!

Zonkeler (I'll get it eventually lol)

Your script is nothing short of godlike lol!

bonzo wrote:Zonkeler (I'll get it eventually lol)

Your script is nothing short of godlike lol!

Zondekel. But close.

God-like? Wow... Now we're really exaggerating. Even if I had the confidence in myself to say my things were good, I wouldn't call it "nothing short of godlike."

I'd post more ideas, but I'm really lost about the story itself. Like, I'm afraid if I come up with something, it'll contradict what's already been established...

It's just a way of saying that it's really good- no harm meant

Can I make a new draft or something? Implementing all the ideas combined, of course

The script Zondekel wrote isn't part of the in-game script, it was just a sample of what he can do

Well, I thought about it, and here's my opening thus far (Keep in mind there are prolly things wrong about, like, the creation of Fester and such, I'm just assuming as I read through all 150 pages on the RWP and I probably missed some things... I'm also a bit shaky on Gruntilda getting the Crystal Jiggy and Banjo and the gang fleeing to Jiggopolis, so I sort of improvised. I'm pretty sure I read somewhere that it was supposed to start on a beach, but I sort of forgot that...

Stormy weather (Thunder crashes, lightning bolts, dark clouds, rain, etc.)
Music- Well, I suppose it's original, but I suggest adding that little tune that appeared in the openings for both -Kazooie and -Tooie

Yellow text (Like in the opening of -Tooie stating it's been 2 years since the original game): Three months have passed since Gruntilda the witch rose from her grave in an attempt to gain flesh and to get revenge on Banjo and Kazooie for trapping her under a rock in the first game. Three months have passed since Gruntilda the witch was stopped by Banjo and Kazooie and reduced to nothing more than... a head left on top of Cauldron Keep. And three months have passed since Banjo and Kazooie thought their witch troubles were over...

Camera shows Banjo, Kazooie, Mumbo, and Bottles all together in Banjo's house playing Nintendo 64. A TV has been placed on the table, Banjo and Kazooie are sitting in the chair (from the third file select in Banjo-Kazooie,) Mumbo and Bottles are sitting on the bed. Pizza boxes are on the floor.
Bottles: Oh come on, guys! Why do you all have to gang up on me? Is it because I was dead?
Mumbo: Mumbo no pick on mole- Mole just happen to be in way of Mumbo's magic blast!
Kazooie: Yeah, Goggles! You're just not good at this!
Bottles: Then can I have some help, maybe?
Banjo: Sure, I'll help you and-
Bottles: You just pushed me off the edge!
Banjo: Ooh.. Sorry 'bout that...

Yellow text again- camera fly through from Banjo's house, through the digger tunnel and straight to the top of Cauldron Keep: But in those three months of vacationing, an evil force has taken into effect.
Camera shows Grunty's skull trying to upright itself but collapses.
Grunty: It's been three months, this can not be! Why must this happen only to me? Reduced to skull and nothing more, just to move is such a chore! At least my sisters are not here- I'm back to my rhyming career!
A rat scampers across.
Grunty: Hey there rat! Get over here! I'm just a skull, so nothing to fear! I need your help, I've got a plan. But I can't move, at least you can!
Grunty stops and looks at the camera. : Wow, my fate is pretty bad- I'm talking to a rat, how sad.
Grunty looks over to the rat.: Now go down to the Chamber of Guns. Hop into Dingpot, won't that be fun? To bear and bird he gives more eggs, but it might make you walk on only two legs!
The rat looks to Grunty and then goes down into the Gun Chamber room and finds Dingpot.
Dingpot: Oh no, a rat! Please don't tell me you're hopping in me! You're probably covered in filth, and I haven't been cleaned in months! Augh, no! Stay away from me!
The rat hops into Dingpot and then hops out.
Rat: I say, this is much better being able to speak! Thank you, magical cauldron, for granting me this! My name is Fester, and I am happy to make your acquaintance.
Dingpot: Great. I've created a talking rat. Er, why don't you go talk to Grunty? I'm sure she needs someone to talk to!
Fester: Ah, yes, of course! She's the one who told me to come down here in the first place!
The camera shows Fester going back to the top of Cauldron Keep..
Grunty: Ah, it worked, and I see you're back! A body, though, I still do lack. So bring me down and build me a suit- with long black dress and large dark boots!
Fester: Of course! I will do everything I can to help you, as I am indebted to you!

Camera shows Banjo's house:
Banjo: It's really simple, Bottles! Just press B over and over again. You'll hit something eventually.
Kazooie: Give it up, Banjo- he's hopeless.
Mumbo: Mumbo know where secret power up is!
Kazooie: What secret power up, bonehead?
Mumbo: This secret power up! Ha!
Banjo: Hey! Where'd you get that?

Suddenly a large explosion is heard, shaking the house.
Banjo: Another earthquake? Why do I get the feeling we're about to start an adventure?
Bottles: I'm getting out this time! I refuse to die again!
Kazooie: Why? It's not like you were the favorite character in Banjo-Kazooie!
Mumbo: Guys? Mumbo see something flying in air- looks awful lot like fat hag on broomstick...
Kazooie: Alright! Another chance to peck some witch butt!

Banjo, Kazooie, Bottles, and Mumbo leave the house to see Grunty and Fester landing on the broomstick.
Kazooie: Welcome back, Winky! Who's your friend and what happened to him?
The camera focuses on Fester who's now got a coat, hat, monocle, and robotic arms.
Fester: My name is Fester. As I was building this robotic suit for Mistress Grunty, I was caught in an explosion. Luckily, the suit Mistress Grunty was in had at least it's arms, so she took the arms from a time traveling mecha and added them to me.
Kazooie: Right...
Grunty: Enough of this chatter, I'm back as you see! And revenge shall be granted to me! I've a new plan I'm putting into effect, and by the end, you'll show me respect!
Grunty laughs as she and Fester take off.
Banjo: A new plan? What could it be? Maybe Master Jiggywiggy can tell us!
Banjo and Kazooie through the digger tunnel and take the Silo in Jinjo Village to Wooded Hollow.
Master Jiggywiggy is outside the temple crying.
Jiggywiggy: Oh, the chosen ones! Thank goodness you're here! Gruntilda has just stolen the mighty Crystal Jiggy!
Kazooie: You mean that blue Jiggy in the temple that glows whenever we try to open a new world?
Jiggywiggy: Yes!
Kazooie: That wasn't just a prop?
Jiggywiggy: No! That really was the mighty Crystal Jiggy! It's full of power that Gruntilda could use for evil!
Banjo: So why didn't you use it's power to stop her?
Jiggywiggy: The Crystal Jiggy gains it's power from Jig Saw pieces, or Jiggies, as you refer to them. You two haven't brought me any Jiggies in months, so the Crystal Jiggy isn't at full power! I was helpless as she broke through the wall on her broomstick! Some rat henchman used some sort of machine to grab the Crystal Jiggy and take off again! You must help! If Grunty finds more Jiggies, she can use it's power to wreck all of the Isle o' Hags!
Banjo: Well she doesn't have any Jiggies now, right? So she's just as useless as you were.
Jiggywiggy: Wrong. She, being a witch, has magic. She can use the Crystal Jiggy to magnify her powers! If she finds enough Jiggies, the power of the Crystal Jiggy, combined with her own magic will be unstoppable!
Kazooie: Let me guess- we're off on another adventure now to find all the Jiggies in at least 9 worlds, meeting various characters who'll give us tasks for the Jiggy they have even though they have no clue what it really is, and then we have an epic fight against the witch, right?
Jiggywiggy: Correct. Now, you'll need to get to a world you haven't explored yet to find the Jiggies there.
Banjo: Can't we just use the Jiggies from our last three adventures?
Jiggywiggy: Er... I didn't want to tell you this, but Grunty took those from the temple...
Banjo: What? Then she already has enough power to do damage!
Jiggywiggy: Correct. However, it's not enough to completely change the Isle o' Hags, maybe just enough power for Spiral Mountain. I advise you flee to Jiggopolis quickly. There is a fantastic city. In certain hotel rooms, you can find warps to different worlds where you can collect Jiggies. The more Jiggies you open, the more hotel rooms you'll be allowed into. There will be someone there to tell you more. You might see some of your friends there, or in other worlds, too. I'm sure Mumbo Jumbo will be up to the task of transforming you again. I myself will show up in Jiggopolis eventually if I have anything important to tell you. Here, behind this curtain is a warp pad that will lead you to Jiggopolis.
Banjo: Er... We've been in that room before- there are only three signs telling useless hints...
Jiggywiggy: Don't worry, I set it up soon after your last adventure. I assumed we'd need more Jiggies eventually...
The camera shows Banjo and Kazooie going through the curtain and stepping on the warp pad. They disappear.
Jiggywiggy: Be brave, O chosen ones! I hope you're successful!

Er... I've prolly made a whole bunch of mistakes about Jiggopolis and Fester, but...

Not to double post, but I thought making it all one post may cause some confusion as this is a different topic.

I'm not exactly sure how the Jiggopolis start will go- Like, who they meet. I understand they run into Conga running for mayor who'll give them a Jiggy, but... If anyone can tell me what other things NEED to be in the opening?

well- that's great and all... but i think i wanted to stick with what i came up with and just extend from where i left off.

This is like the quietest day for the forums EVER.

I like this one Hannah Montana song.

It's... weird.

Sorry for being random, but the porkchops are calling.

Something I tend to nag about on the RWP forums is that I think references should be toned down as much as then can, or if necessary just pulled of in a very stylistic fashion, otherwise they very easily get annoying.

I'm just putting that out there as some advice for how the script could be written. I'm all for a few winks to what will happen in NAB, like Mumbo wanting to become a mechanic, but the joke feels very random and just kind of pops up out of nowhere. I think there needs to be more of a build-up to such a joke, and at the same time it needs to make sense to someone who has never played NAB.

I think the more you can build up a Banjo-Kazooie feeling and atmosphere without referencing to past or future events, the more belivable the story will become. Of course there needs to be references to some things, but I don't want the story to come of as something thats struggling to prove itself as a Banjo game through references. (Yes, I know this isn't really an official Banjo game, but theres no harm in trying to be as good as one)

B-Kpianist wrote:well- that's great and all... but i think i wanted to stick with what i came up with and just extend from where i left off.

"Well- that's great and all..." And here's the part where I realize team projects suck. Ah well.
I have to remember not to try writing something that someone has an idea for already next time. Next idea will be up soon...

Zondekel wrote:

B-Kpianist wrote:well- that's great and all... but i think i wanted to stick with what i came up with and just extend from where i left off.

"Well- that's great and all..." And here's the part where I realize team projects suck. Ah well.
I have to remember not to try writing something that someone has an idea for already next time. Next idea will be up soon...

I completely agreed with you here. this made me think, "Wow, Zondekel is awesome...". You just stuck it to the man!

Now is BK Pianist the boss? Does he just decide everything?

bonzo wrote:Now is BK Pianist the boss? Does he just decide everything?

Well, it's his game- He's the one organizing the whole thing, so... Yeah, he is the boss. I think. But a lot of ideas, if I understood correctly, came from other people on the Rare Witch Project forums, so.. I don't really know.

Well no I mean like, don't people like me have a say in who's script will make the cut?

Well, I'd guess that people will have a say, but BKpianist will get the final decision on what gets put into his game.

bonzo wrote:Now is BK Pianist the boss? Does he just decide everything?

Yeah- um... i kind of am the boss. Basically because i: came up with the story, recruited people (still doing this), made the forum, gave assignments (i gave myself assignments so we're all equal ) and came up with most of the worlds (CbC is Abysswariors, Ballistic Bedroom is BB123's, WWW is mine & viku's idea's combined, etc.).

The reason i like the original better is for 3 reasons:

1) The way it comes together is a bit too cliched in the banjo world.
2) Like Qwazin said, There are too many references.
3) The idea of them cleaning up in their yard would go with the idea of "Banjo-Tooie is over, lets clean up"

I really like the script! But the dialogue sounds too much like a fans writing.

I do think it would be the best if BKPianist is the boss. Like stated earlier, he came up with this whole idea. Even if there are inevitably going to be ideas that I will find brilliant that won't make the cut, I just figure I'll save them for some other project.

B-Kpianist wrote:

bonzo wrote:Now is BK Pianist the boss? Does he just decide everything?

Yeah- um... i kind of am the boss. Basically because i: came up with the story, recruited people (still doing this), made the forum, gave assignments (i gave myself assignments so we're all equal ) and came up with most of the worlds (CbC is Abysswariors, Ballistic Bedroom is BB123's, WWW is mine & viku's idea's combined, etc.).

The reason i like the original better is for 3 reasons:

1) The way it comes together is a bit too cliched in the banjo world.
2) Like Qwazin said, There are too many references.
3) The idea of them cleaning up in their yard would go with the idea of "Banjo-Tooie is over, lets clean up"

I really like the script! But the dialogue sounds too much like a fans writing.

Wow, you are such a trooper. Making a forum on this website must be so hard.


And HIS script sounds to much like it was made by a fan? That was a joke right?

You haven't been around that long- you don't know how much i've done, you can't talk.